Masochistic Perceptions, Trials and Truths

These are my cyberfied cerebral synapses ricocheting off reality as I perceive it: thoughts, opinions, passions, rants, art and poetry...

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Time on my hands and contemplation, so I decided to consult with the good old Belief-o-Matic ( http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html ). It's interesting to see how one can ebb and change in the moment... Nothing is etched in stone.



1.
Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2.
Mahayana Buddhism (99%)
3.
Neo-Pagan (97%)
4.
Liberal Quakers (94%)
5.
Taoism (90%)
6.
New Age (89%)
7.
Theravada Buddhism (83%)
8.
Hinduism (77%)
9.
Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (69%)
10.
Scientology (69%)
11.
New Thought (68%)
12.
Secular Humanism (67%)
13.
Jainism (64%)
14.
Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (62%)
15.
Orthodox Quaker (60%)
16.
Sikhism (57%)
17.
Reform Judaism (51%)
18.
Bahá'í Faith (45%)
19.
Nontheist (36%)
20.
Seventh Day Adventist (29%)
21.
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (28%)
22.
Orthodox Judaism (24%)
23.
Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (20%)
24.
Eastern Orthodox (17%)
25.
Islam (17%)
26.
Roman Catholic (17%)
27.
Jehovah's Witness (15%)

Sunday, March 23, 2008



The Web of My Beliefs

I have done a lot of spiritual reading over the past few years. It began with reading the Bible from Genesis to Revelations over my first summer break when I was studying at Dalhousie University, a considerable amount on Freemasonry through the mid-late 1990's and then examining multiple Eastern works (Taoism, Buddhism, Hinduism, etc.) with sprinklings of Sufism and Wicca throughout since the late 1990's. I tend to consider myself a Buddhist/Taoist/Pagan/Non-Theist/Theist, but that monogram has evolved and morphed over time. I admit that I have tended to have a snobbish opinion toward Christianity throughout, but this is beginning to change according to the context in which I now consider such things.

A good friend of mine who tends to have similar spiritual leanings as myself has asked me why I do not go to the local Buddhist temple and join the sangha there. My answer has always lied in my reasoning as to why I do not attend any spiritual congregation, coven, etc. On the one hand, I can not find a place that is truly representative of my eclectic views. On the other, I have found that my experiences have left me feeling that the groups I've sampled to be lacking in substance and driven by personal agendas. This has been the case for me in both Catholic and Protestant churches of Christianity, one of the Buddhist temples I frequented for a while and through a few years of attending Masonic Lodges. All my experiences there seemed to be similar to my experiences in the Martial Arts and some Yoga studios where they have not been complete in what they offer or are lined with individuals who prevent that completion from surfacing. For example, Yoga is more than just the physical postures. Those are asanas. Yoga is more a meditative state.

I mentioned my snobbish attitude toward Christianity earlier. Perhaps I was being unfair. This was a feeling created in myself after observing fundamentalists and their sole route towards salvation, coupled by historical readings about hidden agendas, church and state, etc. Ultimately, I could not bring myself to accept the Bible as the sole word or to believe in the God represented within. I was particularly turned off by the Christian unwillingness to look elsewhere for teachings.

Fast forward to some of my Eastern readings. The commentary I am now reading on the Bhagavad Gita, for example, constantly makes cross references to the metaphors of the Bible in communicating its ideas. Numerous texts by an assortment of Buddhist writers such as Thich Nhat Hahn have also used Biblical passages to support and enrich various teachings of the Buddha. As I continue to read, I am finding many enlightening passages from the Bible which I never could truly appreciate through my initial reading of this book.

Herein lies the shortcomings, in my opinion, of most religious sects: they become insular and are filled with people seeking a teacher, but not willing to engage in the quest themselves. In fact, it is often to the contrary and detriment. It would be like saying there is only one school that can teach with any sort of validity, or there is only one form of exercise that truly benefits health, or only one effective style of Martial Arts. Such is the Christian Commandment about sole soul propriety found in a literal interpretation or the Muslim position that we see represented in our world today that comes from a particular group of Mullahs and Imams. The New Age folks are no better, weighed down in their own dogmatic notions of the world. Thus, my personal spiritual journey has become one of isolation.

I am not claiming to know the way or to have any answers. Over the multiples of readings I have done, my conclusion is that every religion, in their essences, are perpetuating the same idea. In fact, it is those who claim to know the way that turn me off the most. Life is many shades of grey, but much of that greyness is a product of the way we live. In the end, life, as far as living goes, requires that we work toward less complication and simplicity; a difficult endeavour within modern society.

Also, we need to lessen our syntactical interpretation and designation of life and become one with all as opposed to secularisation. We need to fight the internal battle against unnecessary desire and ego as opposed to killing in the name of a deity, ideology or of hatred. We are all swimming in the same pool. Therefore, we must need to do so harmoniously with each other and our environment. Christianity, Islam, Kabala, Tao, Buddha, Krishna – they all have this same message. Even a non-Theist recognises this fact. I always liked Pascal's Wager which basically states "it does not matter whether or not I believe God exists". This makes sense. It's not who or what I believe in that matters, but how I co-exist. Dogma does nothing but make us rigid and prevent harmony.

So, where am I in my own spiritual journey. I believe in energy or a life force that flows through all things. You can call this synaptic flaring, soul, karma – the label does not matter. What does matter is that all things are part of each other and that nothing can exist solely of itself. I do not believe in a paternal God per say, but do believe that "god" is in all things in the form of this collective energy – again, let's not get caught up in labels. These things are as they are, just as an apple is an apple whether you refer to if in English or French, pomme.

I believe in goodness and compassion, but realise that our notions of such things can be the source of discord and are limited to our reality. I believe that reality is one's perception of existence. Existence, from the human perspective, is essentially the fabrication of nothingness into being – a portion of the absolute. Therefore, nothing implies "no thing" and, therefore "some thing", making all we experience reminiscent of an echo.

To be a good person, we must begin on the inside. The way to looking inside is through meditation, whether in the tradition of the Yogis, Zen Buddhists, Christian prayer – it matters not. Through these meditations, we can become closer to the whole of which we are part, and begin to tackle the battles that we need to wage against desires, excess and ego. These things, in my opinion, are the sources of both suffering and disharmony in the world.

I do not believe in life and death, but rather a state where both are in constant tandem. Conventional notions of the span between birth and death, in my mind, only isolate a particular part of our being. The things of which I am made existed before my present state, and shall continue to be long after my present incarnation is no more. Certainly, to say the 6 ft. 1, 210 lb man that I am is the same as the 7 lb infant to which my mother gave birth is true insofar as my consciousness and direct line can be traced in image throughout. The simple fact remains that my life/energy is fuelled by that which I consume, and that which consumes me. I do not know if our consciousness is reincarnated through multiple "lives", but I do believe that the energy is out there. One might argue that we would remember past lives if the consciousness remains the same. My answer to this is that I have no real recollections of my life prior to the age of 6 or 7, so how can I be expected to remember past lives?

Ultimately, life and death is much like Pascal's wager – it does not matter what I believe. This is where mindfulness comes into play. The simple fact is, we are only in the moment and the moment is the only thing we can affect. This is very liberating, in my opinion. The moment is a constant evolution of who we are in the now, thus lending great importance to looking inward as we progress along in the journey of the consciousness.

Keeping in the spirit of the Buddha, I have not written these words to convert anyone over to my point of view. This is simply what I have found to be, given the journey I am on. All that I truly hope to achieve is for those who have spent times with my words to reflect on what their experience is, and not to walk blindly through the dark. The koan I have assigned myself is as follows: "what does anything matter in terms of the environment and harmony on this planet if an asteroid were to smash into the planet and the chain of all that ever was ceases to exist?". My answer was to again refer to Pascal and the Buddha: it does not matter what I think, I can not control what happens in the future; I am in the here and now….

Namaste.

Thursday, March 20, 2008


Connecting the Path


2008 has been an amazing year in terms of re-connecting with friends from my youth. I must thank one of my colleagues in this as it was she who badgered me into seeing what Facebook was all about. Once I got hooked up on there and started searching for names once familiar, it was like the bursting of a damn.

There are many observations to be found in these re-established connections. Some of those with who I am again in communication were very dear friends in my formative years, leaving me wondering how the connection was ever lost. I suppose we could compare this to lost secrets and traditions whether referring to ancient civilizations such as the Mayans, or the secrets and origins alluded to in Freemasonry, on a much smaller scale of course! It is so easy to lose touch or, quite simply, for traditions and ways to be lost.

When I look back on my life, it seems on one hand that I am the same angst filled idealistic punk rocker with a sense of wanting something greater for the world other than corporate culture and rule by fear. On the other hand, the life lived in my teens and twenties seem more like a book that I have read as opposed to a reality that I actually lived. For example, this summer I am visiting Slovakia where I taught in 1992-93. At the same time, I hooked up on Facebook last week with another friend of mine who was a Canadian teaching in a nearby town while I lived in Slovakia. We became good friends, traveled about Europe together, etc. Upon leaving Slovakia, she went to school in Montreal and I was studying French in Quebec City. I hung out with her lots that year during the weekends. Then, I moved to England to play Rugby and that was that – lost touch. I have so many rich memories of this time. Then, like a fire that has consumed all of it's fuel, it was gone and life continued. But isn't reality merely smoke and mirrors at best anyway, tied to perception?

There have been many Facebook related strolls down memory lane. Friends who followed my old band, Ick On Fish, people I grew up with, traveled with, etc. Again, so much of this feels like a detachment from where I find myself in life today. I am very much nostalgic for these times, but more as a way of curiosity and observing how things might have changed should I elected to pursue different directions, etc.

Though a melancholic soul at heart, I do not really lament anything from these days, save my youth. They were wonderful times, no doubt about it, full of dreams and few obligations. The present is also a wonderful time. I have a wonderful family, a home, a career and, save for my on-going saga with insomnia and PTSD, life is awesome. I have some very dear friends and am able to bring many of those from my past into the present, making them more than memories. My thoughts of the past are mere curiosity and affectionate memories.

A friend of mine recently loaned me a commentary on the Bhagavad Gita by Eknath Easwaran which illustrates how, at our source, even though it may seem that I have lost and then found these friends from my past, that we are all connected. The years have served as a time of transformation for all and, as a result, we have all had an affect on each other – memories attest to this. It makes me happy to know that those who started me on the path that I find myself on now are again showing themselves and their transformations. We are all an influence toward one another. Many do not seek the consciousness of this reality, but it is there if you look for it. This transcends just friends. It includes those who we perceived as enemies and mere acquaintances. Easwaran has many interesting commentaries about "enemies" in the spirit of the Gita, Ghandi, the Buddha, etc., but I'll not get into that now.

In closing, I am thankful for the present – aptly named as this moment is truly a gift, just like those that live in memory. Here we are, the first day of Spring, in the moment, making many more memories as we progress along the way. Life is not always easy, but, like a long hike through the mountains. At the end of the trip you remember the beauty all around you more than you remember the fatigue or blisters on your feet. Life is satisfaction becoming…

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Musings On the Decay of Generation X


It is interesting when you observe the bonds that we make over our lifetimes. Quite often, the cast of characters that surround us appear as detached as comparing a Danielle Steel novel to one written by Franz Kafka. I am amazed at how there have been people in my life that were so incredibly close to me and, now, they have faded into oblivion and I couldn't begin to tell you where they are now. Many of these relationships spawn from youth and life's journey, particularly with those of us from Generation X, as taken us on a spiral path into echelons of the planet our predecessors never would have thought of journeying, save for a very select few.

You don't hear much about Generation X any more – the lost generation. The generation who grew up in the shadow of nuclear obliteration, became over educated and couldn't find jobs outside of bars and retail. The generation who bought Euro rail passes and trekked into Asia and Africa, searching for something the Dharma bums of the 1960's started.

Growing up in such times, and being the only child of a single parent family, my friends became all that I had. Even in the present day, where I have been married for a dozen years and have a beautiful daughter, "family" is still a strange concept. It could be that my own remaining relatives are 7000 km away in Eastern Canada and my in-laws are over in England.

I still feel like a Generation X'er. Though a fulltime teacher with a public school board, part of me wouldn't think twice about up and quitting and hitting the road with my family to a place like India. My friends, though they have changed over the epochs, remain the staple of those who I love and depend upon. Hell, part of me, despite turning 40 this year, still has an inkling to start a punk rock band! I always thought a switch would go off in my head (or on as the case may be) and I'd become a middle aged man, tied to the notions of responsibility. That never happened. I want to live outside the clock while delving into the mysteries of self and share experiences with others.

Facebook has been an interesting experience for me as it has allowed me to re-connect with many who were staples of my daily existence in my younger years. Part of me wonders how we ever lost track of one another, in addition to fuelling the flames of nostalgia. Overall, it has shown me what a good life I've had and makes me want to do more.

Life is an amazing experience and I love the sense that one day, all may be dust. It means that there are no fuck-ups that are so tragic – even the environmental devastation of our planet – that we can live life without a net. This does not condone violence or hate, but it does condone risk taking (which in effect isn't risk taking at all) and flying without a net. Life is such a brief and beautiful thing and I am resolving to truly fill my life with those who will make me nostalgic for this moment ten years from now. Everyone has their purpose in life, but, just as a garden may grow while being neglected, if we take that extra moment to nurture the relationships we have, perhaps a wee bit more of the beauty will not be lost to time. Change is part of life and life is good.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Random Thoughts in the Lengthening Light


We lost an hour this weekend (in a bureacratic manner of speaking). I don't know whether it's all worth it as we again travel to work in darkness. The longer light in the evenings is nice though. I suppose it is good in that you don't really get to enjoy the sunlight when at work. Either way, spring is such an enlivening time of year! To usher in the season, we bought some Wiccan-Buddhist inspired prayer flags today to hang in the backyard as a gesture of thanks to all that is.

My sleep patterns, though not so bad, have reverted to 3 a.m. awakenings again. I'm going back to sleep easily enough, but part of me (in spite of my best efforts not to worry) is beginning to worry about a relapse into insomnia.

Overall, life is beautiful. I'm 44 days into vegetarianism... well, pescatarian actually. Overall I'm still feeling pretty run down. Feels like I've been fighting a cold since the Fall. I'll have a word with my physician tomorrow. He was a bit concerned as my last blood test showed my white blood count to be down. Think I just need some serious R&R + to do a cleanse. It's so true in that stress is central to 99% of our ailments. I spend a lot of time looking inward and that most likely is part of my problem... or should I say process. I recently read the entire "Peaceful Warrior" series and, as Dan Millman illustrates in his novels, when one begins such spiritual pursuits, one first has to face hell. Is it worth it? That remains to be seen...

Life is such a puzzle. Does anything really matter? Is it attachment that makes us lament the extinction of species and trends like global warming? After all, the earth existed before the modern human race and, most likely, there will be a time that the human race ceases to exist. Likewise, scientists released a study recently that predicted that our sun would supernova in a billion years or so, obliterating our wee blue planet. If that, or an inevitable asteroid striking us come to pass, then what meaning will anything have beyond the moment?

I guess that this is where the spiritual side of things come into play. No matter how futile life seems, the brief spark that is our lives is a microscopic piece of all that is. So, I suppose, in the end, we embody both insignificance and great purpose simultaneously. Though contradicting, it illuminates the paradox of being...

Either way, be present and enjoy the moment.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Getting 'D's in Democracy


I was a bit peeved yesterday after reading an article in the Edmonton Journal expressing the thought of the Liberal, NDP and Green provincial parties merging to form a left of centre alternative to the Conservative party who, on Monday, swept in for another term with a landslide majority. I am a left of centre person in my political beliefs and especially want to see a government in power that provides more social funding to things like education and healthcare and has a strong environment agenda. I would love to see such a party get elected in many ways.

This is the problem, however. The people proposing such an alignment of the left are doing so with the sole purpose of getting elected. They are not proposing this because they are unified in their political beliefs. Such a foundation is no good for a party that could feasibly form the next government. Compromise is fundamental to harmony in life, but too much compromise inevitably will cause some to bristle, and therefore dilute or fragment such a party. My biggest issue with political parties in this country is their lack of any kind of idealism. Elections are like job interviews. It’s difficult to get a straight answer as everything in regulated by party spin doctors.

It bothers me that I live in such a right wing, conservative province. Who was it who said something to the effect that “democracy is a terrible thing, but it’s the best that we’ve got”? Churchill I think…

Here's the article:

Should Liberals and NDP unite?
A combined opposition might have won more seats, but not the elec
tion

Graham Thomson
The Edmonton Journal
Thursday, March 06, 2008


They might be political enemies but Liberals and New Democrats must be feeling a strange sense of kinship today, something like fellow accident victims laid up side-by-side in hospital, casualties of the same hit and run.
The first question they'll be asking each other: "Did you get the number of that truck?"
The second: "Is it time for us to join forces?"
It is a perennial question, one that pops up whenever vote splitting between the Liberals and New Democrats helps Conservatives win seats in Edmonton, as it apparently did in Monday's election.
It is a question that Liberals began asking themselves almost as soon as the polls closed.
Of the 235,000 votes cast in Edmonton, about 40 per cent went to the Tories with about 30 per cent going to the Liberals and 25 per cent to the NDP.
Put another way, the Liberals and New Democrats won a combined total of 55 per cent of the vote here -- but got just five of the city's 18 seats.
With 40 per cent of the vote the Tories won a majority -- 13 -- of the seats.
You can see how it worked in Edmonton-Mill Woods, for example, where the Tory candidate Carl Benito won with 4,752 while the Liberal incumbent Weslyn Mather got 3,996 and the NDP Christina Gray played apparent spoiler by capturing 1,474.
Add up the Liberal and NDP vote, goes the argument, and the opposition would have won Mill Woods handily.
Do that same math for all the city's ridings and Monday's results would have been reversed with a Liberal/NDP party getting 13 seats and the Tories just five.
It's very neat and tidy math, and no doubt vote splitting did cost the opposition some seats, but it's also overly simplistic.
You can't simply add up the opposition votes and reach a simple answer. People vote for parties for all kinds of complicated reasons.
A vote for a New Democrat candidate in Monday's election was probably as much a vote against the Liberals as it was a vote against the Conservatives.
It was also a vote for something, for an NDP platform that presented a unique position on many issues including advocating for public auto insurance, ending corporate political donations and significantly increasing energy royalties.
ERASING PARTY MESSAGES
Any new Liberal/NDP coalition party may well have erased the NDP message and therefore much of the NDP support.
Conversely, if the NDP message had survived in this new "super party," it might well have been perceived as too radical by traditional Liberal supporters who would have had no comfortable place to put their vote.
New Democrats have shown over the years they don't want to be assimilated despite sweet talk from Liberal supporters who point to the federal unite-the-right campaign that saw the creation of the new Conservative party that now holds on to a minority government in Ottawa and just might form a majority government next election.
However, the rewards wouldn't be nearly as lucrative for any unite-the-left movement in Alberta. It's just too small.
Adding up the Liberal and NDP vote provincially from Monday's election, for example, would have given the new middle-left party a total of about 35 per cent of the vote, far too small to form even a minority government, especially the way the opposition vote is diluted outside of the cities.
Proponents of combining the two parties have in the past presented the gestalt argument, the theory that the whole of the new party would actually be much greater than the sum of its parts.
That new body could better muster resources, attract volunteers and exploit pent up anger at the government, goes the argument.
Then again, it just might end up being a warmed over Alberta Liberal party.
That brings us to the next perennial, post-election question: Should the Liberals change their name?
For many Albertans Liberal is a four-letter word that generates a hatred based on real and imagined historical slights that defies any logical counter argument.
Premier Ed Stelmach played successfully to that audience a few times in the campaign with his reference to Trudeau Liberals and the National Energy Program.
The brand is so hated that you could rename Alberta Liberals the "Same-Sex Mad Cow Party" and get more votes in some rural areas.
More realistically, Liberals could follow the lead of the Saskatchewan Party that was formed 10 years ago in a coalition of Liberals and Conservatives to knock off the NDP -- and which succeeded in that goal in 2007.
Mind you, the label "Alberta Party" is already taken.
There's no rush for the Liberals to make up their mind what to do.
Regardless of how you crunch the popular vote numbers, the Conservatives won an impressive 72 seats under our first-past-the-post system and there won't be another election for four years or so.
That's plenty for time for the Liberals to figure out what to do while they're recovering in the political intensive care ward with their roommate, the NDP.

gthomson@thejournal.canwest.com
© The Edmonton Journal 2008

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Apathy of the Masses


Alberta (and Canada) is blessed with having some of the most valuable natural resources in the world, coupled with a social infrastructure that is the envy of 9/10’s of the world’s population. We have free elections, freedom of speech, a charter of rights and freedoms. Our society lives in peace and offers free education and health care. We do not live in a utopia and have much that can be improved, but, overall, this is one of the best places on planet earth to live and that’s even considering our harsh winter.

Enter yesterday’s Alberta provincial election. A time to elect the custodians of our environment, manage our natural resources, fund our education and health care systems and take care of the infrastructure on which all Albertans exist. The voter turnout: 42% - the lowest in history.

People died so that we could have these rights. People are dying for these rights. We have become spoiled children in this society and, one day, we will awake in crises and ask “how could that have happened?” We are raising a generation of idiots with no political knowledge whatsoever. A nation of sheep is just what the government wants. Get more wrapped up in the outcome of Canadian Idol than worry about who is regulating the world’s largest store of potable drinking water (much of which is being wasted in the oil patch). We in the West have become both benign and spoiled. I rue the day that we reap that which we have sown….