Masochistic Perceptions, Trials and Truths

These are my cyberfied cerebral synapses ricocheting off reality as I perceive it: thoughts, opinions, passions, rants, art and poetry...

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Blogging About Books on the Brain

I used to have a cartoon up on the door of my room when I was a teenager of a guy intensely reading a book in a room full of other books that were mocking him about all the stuff that they contain and that he won't ever know. I've become a version of that guy to an extent, often panicing when I near the end of something really good and have to decide what to read next. I saw Henry Rollins do a spoken thing here the other week, and he reiterated my dilema and made me feel happy that I'm not alone, though I still get pissed of at my mortality and lack of reading time. Things don't get any easier in that I can read just about anything - doesn't matter if I really get it, I still plow onward - and the cannon of my fixations have often caused me to make radical changes in my life. For example, when I was doing my BA years ago, I started reading Irish History and got so into it that I applied for an Irish work visa and buggered off to Ireland. When in Ireland I took time out to backpack around Europe, discovered the writers and History of Eastern Europe, so I moved to the former Czechoslovakia for a year and taught ESL. Certainly circumstance facilitated much of this, but it was the books that had incited me. Since then I have gone through a Freemasonry spell, become a Buddhist and am on my fourth or fifth Martial Art. Recently I even picked up a book on the history of the pipe combined with Archery, so where do you think this will compell me, given that I somewhat immersed in books on Aikido and Japanese Martial Culture (topped off by reading "Shogun")?

It blows my mind (and given my moreoftenthannot state of introspective induced nuerosis, those who know me will concurr that I am of blown mind), thinking of life without books and the fact that there are millions of illiterate people all over the globe - that is certainly a crime against humanity. It makes me mad when I see money being wasted on the perpetuation of Human suffering as opposed to investing in the greatest resource we have - the mind and it's education. It makes me sad to see, particularly in my country, the Arts trivialised to the snotty circles of the petit bougeois and our schools ushering children away from being writers, opting instead to be Engineers and whatnot. The Arts are what make life livable, and a book is the most accessable and portable of all the mediums in that you can get them from the library, take them on the bus or to bed - they allow you to travel, develop your imagination or set the clock on your VHS like a real pro.

I used to have a bumper sticker on my truck that read "Kill Your Television", and it received quite a bit of comment, including notes from strangers left on my windshield saying "right on!", etc. Perhaps that was an over generalisation as television does offer a medium to those who can't read. I think it's sad, however, at the trivial mind candy that innoculates the masses 24/7, not that a bit of junk food on occasion is bad and, arguably, there's a lot of crappy books out there. I guess what I don't like about TV is that it leaves nothing for the imagination more often than not, whereas in books you make your own pictures (unless, obviously if it is a book of photos and paintings/drawings). So don't "kill your television", but give the box a break.

Gotta go and get my fix now!

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Bleak Winter, Bleak Electoral Prospects

So, the Canadian Government fell last night in a vote of non-confidence and we are now facing a January election. Is there anyone out there who is actually excited about this? I suspect that this election will yield one of the lowest turn-outs in history, based on the simple fact that there is absolutely no vision and no leadership out there. Seriously, who should one vote for? Do we vote out the Liberals with the Conservatives just like we voted out the Conservatives with the Liberals a decade ago to send a message that never seems to be heard? The NDP have sold their souls and become more reprehensible in my view than the criminal Grits or the Christian Fundamentalist-pro-Iraq invading Tories, which is, I suppose, an accomplishment in itself. I look around the world at the political activisim and protest (i.e. the Ukraine) and ask, given what's on the slate, why aren't Canadians demanding better? It seems the only vision out there lies in the fringe parties such as the Green Party (who just might get my vote) and the Marxist-Leninists (god bless their little idealistic athiest souls) to name a couple. I hate to say it, but I wish that the Bloc Quebecois would run in my province as they seem to be the only other alternative out there and, aside from dividing up the country, would probably do a better job than most!

...It's a sad state of affairs.

Monday, November 28, 2005


Psychology of the Thiest

I wish that I could believe in (G)god and/or religion. Several years ago I became a self-proclaimed Buddhist after reading several books on the subject, Thich Nhat Hahn being one of the most influential, and the works of the psychologist Carl Jung also carried significant weight. That being said, Buddhism to me is more of a psychological state of being rather than a religion (after all there are no gods and the Buddha himself said to question his own writings and discover the world on your own).

When I speak with people who are devout to one religion or other, "faith" is the bridge that seems to bring it all together for them. I find that faith both beautiful and frightening at the same time. For example, if another person tells you to just "trust them", depending on your history and knowledge of that individual, you might be very leary when it comes to doing so. So why would individuals put blind faith in scriptures that are thousands of years old which have been subject to translation and political agendas over and over again? Afterall, these sriptures were penned by men and men are proned to bias and subjectivity. I needn't point out the endless number of church scandals, holy wars, break away groups, inquisitions, etc. on top of outright censorship which history has documented to further my point, but that history is out there for anyone to read. So how can one still be devout in their faith in spite of all of this?

The intent of this missive is not to insult those who are devout believers of one religion or another, but rather the questions I have about the psychology of their belief. I've always been reluctant to tell people that I consider myself a Buddhist as they think that is totally whacked because I am a white Anglo-Saxon Canadian male. I think it's totally whacked that people more often than not are devout to faiths that they were born into rather than a faith that they found and consciously joined.

People are fascinating.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

"Clay"

Everyone here seems so calm
while I feel like screaming
nightmares and terror cramp my mind
while everyone else seems to
be happily dreaming
you can’t dress up your mental state
in convenient cloaks of fashion
no release, no release
no inner peace for my passions
the books that I’ve read, volume upon
the next
all make sense but I can’t sense it
at all – the exhausted head that
wakes
to full alert when put to bed
and drags like time coated in sandpaper
pulled over coarse pine
sanding the finish on a lid
that one day will bid a final good-night
sleepy dust meshing with our own
immersed in clay – the same
over-fired motherfucker that feels like cracking now.

Friday, November 25, 2005


Has Hip Hop Gone Too Far?

The last thing an old punk rocker like my self wants is censorship. At the end of the day, who decides what you should listen to, read or see can be more dangerous than the things themselves. I grew up at a time when Heavy Metal bands such as Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden were slapped with the labels of being "Satanic" and accused of inciting teenagers to commit suicide. True, the music in that genre did make great use of decayed ghouls such as Crazy Eddie and the like (and a few rubber bat's heads fell victim to my Ozzy phase), but, when you listen to the actual words and music, though perhaps frightening to those reared on Lawrence Welk and the Everly Brothers, it was really quite harmless.

Enter Hip Hop or Rap. Rap music in its roots was basically the punk rock of African Americans who were tired of living like second class citizens and the racisim that still permeates in many socities including both Canada and the U.S. In my opinion, what individuals like Chuck-D and his group Public Enemy created was both an articulate and intelligent commentary on the problems and issues plaguing Blacks in the U.S., fused with the music and rhythms of their culture. I have since heard Chuck-D do some of his spoken word performances and respect his intellect and praise his commentary, feeling it is a message that really needs to get out.

Sadly, just as the skaters destroyed punk rock, giving way to overproduced fluff like Blink 182 and Green Day (though the latter do deserve cudos for "American Idiot"), Gangsta Rap has destroyed that which the pioneers of Hip Hop had established and has become downright dangerous.

Enter my thoughts on censorship. We live in a society of sheep who buy whatever the marketing gurus that head up the big movie corporations and major record labels want us to buy - there is even documented evidence of how these marketers use psychology to make you want their product, irregardless of their shoddiness. There's a whole lot of subliminal stuff too. For example, can you explain to me how I know almost all the words to popular songs of the 1980's when I didn't own any of it and was listening to Black Flag, SNFU, DOA, Husker Du, etc.??? So this stuff gets bought or ingrained one way or another.

So now we have celebreties like 50 Cent, Jay-Z, DMX, etc. Some are ex-cons and proud of it, rapping about their "experience" which does have some validity, just as one's re-counting of anything. The problem is the message and the subsequent glorification of this lifestyle, coupled with incredibly degrading portrayals of women. In regards to the latter, some will argue that the portrayal of women may appear degrading but is actually, in some convoluted way, empowering. I just don't get that.

One can not deny that Hip Hop fashion is all the rage found in both the low income neighbourhoods up through to the children of white collar families out in the suburbs. Now just because Johnny is wearing baggy trousers that are a size 46" when he takes a 28", is wearing his hat at an awkward angle and walks like someone gave him a wedgie until his leg went numb, doesn't mean he's going to become a "gang-banger". But the sad reality is that many of these kids will. And that's the scarry thing. Look at fights in the schoolyard these days. When I was of that age, fights were with fists and it was over when one of the combatants went down. In my city this weekend alone there were two 17 year olds killed at house parties, one stabbed, the other piped. What further eveidence do you need than "artists" like 50 Cent who have to wear bulletproof vests on stage and the stabbings that have occurred at the last couple of Hip Hop Award Ceremonies in the U.S.? I work in a maximum security prison and can tell you first hand the brutality these gang bangers live by, and it's not too often that you see the gang members dressed like Goths (though I will concede that the Aryan gangs do resemble punk's, though ironically listen to stuff like Rage Against the Machine which is kind of like the white man's rap).

I think what really bugs me is how the establishment (which I've always rejected) has allowed the current state of Hip Hop popularise and go mainstream; that never would've happened with Metal, and Punk, well they gave that to the skaters who bought into all the corporately flogged gear, sold out and formed Sum 41. Perhaps the aim is to make it main stream so that they can water it down and make it tame. Whatever. I think it's dangerous and needs to be laid out for the violence endorsing bullshit that it is. To quote Chuck-D: "Don't believe the hype". If I was Black and allowed these clowns to degrade my culture the way pissheads like Fat Joe does, I think I'd want to "Fight the Power" and "Shut 'em Down". Black music has a soul that no one can ever touch and their contribution to music is perhaps beyond that of any other culture. Men like Malcom X and Martin Luther King are just two examples of brilliant Black minds and ideas, and Mohammud Ali and example of their heros who people of any race can hold in the highest esteem, so why do they let the likes of Outkast and LudaKris represent them now and not just damage the image of Blacks, but destroy the fabric of our society?

Fight it or ban it!
Political Correctness and the Canadian Public

I was appauled the other day as I was listening to an Aboriginal survivor of the Residential School experience in Canada. This individual stated that "the residential schools in Canada were just like the camps in Germany and Russia", alluding, of course, to the Nazi Concentration Camps and Stalin's Gulags. No one can deny that the Residential School experience in Canada was a brutal failure and misguided experience, but to say that is even remotley comparable to the 6 million Jews and 20 million Soviet citizens who were brutalised, tortured and murdered in the mid 1900's is wrong pure and simple. This is, however, another example of how a certain group can make an outlandish generalisation in our politically correct society and get away with it. Imagine if the Irish-Canadians started harping (no pun intended) on the famines, coffin ships, English occupation and persecution they endured. Would they not be justified as the Queen of England is also the Queen of Canada and the British were one of the first Europeans to move over here? The Canadian Government spends 8 billion dollars annually on Aboriginal affairs - money that is given to Band councils with no accountability and rarely filters down to those who it is intended to help. How much do the Irish, or Japanese or whoever else receive???! I find it sad that our efforts to develop tolerant societies allow for the perpetuation of such misguided and ignorant commentaries, pushing forth the Orwellian notion that "all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others".

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Canadian Prisons and Public Perceptions

The Canadian Public's apathey is sickening, so why should they care about the demographic of which I am a part? Our government consistantly chisels away what is remaining of the working class, invests billions on programmes that ward off the odd symptom but neglect the real sources of poverty and we take it all on the chin, give our head a shake, and then re-elect the bastards. And let's talk elections: who, really are we going to elect? The only parties with any vision or ideological foundation are the Greens and the Marxist-Leninists!!!! Honestly, 35 million Canadians and look what we have on offer to lead us! I think this country needs a Sweden Party as, after visiting that fine nation, I see the potential of my homeland.

...But I digress.

My microcosim is that of being a Correctional Officer in a men's Maximum Security Prison. I actually started out as a school teacher, and before that was the lead singer in a punk rock band, but that's another story in itself. My issue here is apathy and the prison system in Canada.

When Karla Homolka was released this summer, the public was in a right tizzy. That made me shake my head and chuckle, thinking to myself "boy, if only the public knew..." The fact is, inmates are released into the public every day straight from maximum security. I was walking downtown one day with a friend and an inmate who was incarcerated on the Unit I was working on walked past us (he was on stat release). I turned to my friend and told him, "last night that guy was in the max and had he jumped the fence I would have been obligated by law to use whatever force necessary including lethal force to prevent his escape, now he's walking on the street". They are out there folks and they are dangerous.

Then there's what goes on inside. Guards are not the knuckle draggers people think us to be. It sickens me to see movies like "The Longest Yard" or "Escape for Alcatraz" that makes villans out of Officers and heros out of inmates. How perverse is that?!!!! The good guys are the bad guys or is it the other way around???!!! Our image is definitely a myth. Yes, we do walk through hell every day. I've had death threats (and coming from inmates who are already doing life you kind of guess that they have little to lose by making my missus a widow), had human excrement thrown on me not to mention the usual physical handling that is sometimes necessary. I have seen inmates murdered, nearly had to employ lethal force myself on one occasion, seen numerous slashings, stabbings and assaults. I have had inmates set their cells on fire, assisted my colleagues in putting out the fire, saving the inmate's life then have to give him fresh bedding. And how do we prepare for this? You are given a week's worth of self-defense when you first sign on with no refresher, and re-qualify on firearms once per year. Further to this, we only just received the right to wear handcuffs and, in the next two years, will actually be issued stab resistant vest.

...An interesting note on the vests: until this summer, we were not permitted to wear such things (or carry cuffs) as it was "intimidating" and would not foster a sense of trust between the offenders and officers! I'm not making this stuff up folks!!!!

So, what priveldeges does an inmate have? Sattelite TV, gym privledges, three catered meals (including the odd food drive when McDonald's or a similar item are brought in) per day, free clothes, rent, permission to own a playstation, kick ass stereo and all the CD's they can burn... Oh yes, they also have socials where families and friends come in and have a dance (yes, this is at a maximum security institution!) and Private Family Visits (small cabin like structures where an inmate can have his significant other or girlfriend stay overnight for a few days) And what do we give our families on welfare or our war veterans or even the average two income family who are still trying to make ends meet? Nada.

Now I'm not advocating being cruel as these offenders, for the most part, will one day re-enter society. My question is how can we justify treating the child molesters, murderer's and drug dealers who are destroying the fabric of our society better than those who are contributing and law abiding members of society?

Just a wee something to think on....